


Strange Perfection

by alvisable



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Former Best Friends, M/M, Other Characters Briefly Mentioned - Freeform, POV Alternating, Past Abuse, Showhyung had a fight, Unresolved Tension, he's Hyunwoo's ex boyfriend and very abusive, kind of, mention of original male character - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:20:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25205368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alvisable/pseuds/alvisable
Summary: Every person with black flower tattoos on their left wrist can find their soulmates once the color changes, with the exact same shade, shape, and types of flowers.Hyungwon has one, a beautiful lily—but in white, bright ink, surrounded by a cracked silver compass. It changes color whenever he’s dating certain people, but goes back to white once they had broken up.Hyungwon has no idea what it means, until he meets a guy standing on his doorstep, extending a hand that shows a withered flower tattoo with its petals falling... a guy named Son Hyunwoo, who used to be his best friend, and now seemingly asks him for help.
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Son Hyunwoo | Shownu
Comments: 12
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I finally decided to post this, yeeeet. 🥺🐻🐢💖
> 
> This fic will mention past abusive relationship between Hyunwoo and his soulmate/ex-boyfriend. He's really manipulative, and just an a-hole in general. I hope everyone can read this with caution.
> 
> Please enjoy!

Hyungwon holds his moan back when Lee Siyeon—the girl whose lap he’s sitting on—sucks and nibbles his lower lip. His cheeks flush red as Siyeon parts their lips but not immediately pulling away from him. Her voice rasp but melodious when she says, “It’s nice to know you, Hyungwon-ah.”

Hyungwon, honestly, is still in a daze. But he manages to nod and smile at her direction. “Yeah, me too. It’s been a pleasure.” He then disentangles himself and slowly stands up, offering his hand to help the fierce, gorgeous girl get up as well.

Siyeon smiles at him. The light in Hyungwon’s living room accentuates her solemn expression. She caresses Hyungwon’s cheek before leaning in and whispers, “Really, I’m so grateful for all the time we’ve spent together.”

Hyungwon nods again, cupping Siyeon’s hand in his cheek, and replies, “I’m happy for you. But it’s already midnight. Is it okay for you to come home on your own?”

She chuckles, the kind of chuckle that used to make Hyungwon’s heart skip a beat, his breath would turn shaky, and his palms sweaty. But now, not anymore. They’ve been dating for two months and they liked each other enough to start going out. Once Siyeon finds her soulmate, they agree to end things peacefully.

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll meet Yoohyeon at the cafe opposite this street, and go back to her dorm to stay over,” Siyeon explains, letting the guy process it before pulling him for a hug. “Thank you once again, Hyungwon-ah. I’ll meet you in the next practice.”

“Of course.”

Hyungwon then accompanies her to the front door, ready to bid hear goodbye. Instead, when he swings it open, he sees a guy standing and looking straight at him. Hyungwon doesn’t notice how Siyeon jolts as his mind is completely occupied on him.

Son Hyunwoo. Looking disheveled with downcast eyes as if he were just struck by—

“Hyunwoo-ssi? You’re Hyunwoo, right? From the football team?” Siyeon acts first, cutting Hyungwon’s mind as she tugs her former boyfriend to go back to reality.

Hyungwon catches up soon, and he nods at Siyeon. “He’s with me,” surprisingly, he manages to say—even form a proper sentence despite everything. “It’s already late. Yoohyeon is waiting for you.”

Siyeon just smiles knowingly, her grip briefly tightens on Hyungwon’s sleeve, before she lets go. She nods at Hyunwoo who doesn’t even bat an eye, and goes in the elevator.

* * *

This whole ordeal of having a soulmate has been a bother to Hyungwon. Although lately on his first year of college, he’s changed that as a mere game. He realizes that his white flower tattoo, with silver cracked compass surrounding it, can change colors whenever there’s a person liking him and he likes them back. So as soon as he notices that magical-slash-way-too-impossible feature, he dates them.

Not everyone catches his attention, though, but all those casual datings with the guys and girls have helped him enough at forgetting Hyunwoo.

Yes, the Son Hyunwoo that is now staring blankly and a little bit confused in front of his dorm. And the timing is too right to be ignored, dang it!

It’s weekend so Hoseok said he’s gonna come home, and Minhyuk currently has a date with Kihyun and probably won’t come back until Sunday evening. So Hyungwon, the one planning to break up with Siyeon, gets the duty to take care of their place.

He currently has no idea what to think or feel about Son Hyunwoo’s sudden arrival. He thought that he’d be horribly upset, with trembling hands and head about to explode and all. Or he’d be overwhelmed with sadness—because Hyunwoo had found his soulmate around three years ago, and had been loyal to him ever since.

Hyungwon never counts how long it has been and he never _wants_ to care. It was too painful to process. Or maybe he was sad because their friendship didn’t work, _never_ even worked right after that so-called soulmate had infiltrated Hyunwoo’s life.

Hyungwon doesn’t want to know, and maybe it’s better like that.

But now, seeing Hyunwoo look distracted and somewhat messy, he feels a prick in his heart, burning his chest in the most agonizing way. He feels stupid for having a reckless heart that used to hope that there might be something between them. Hyunwoo would probably think so if he knows how much Hyungwon used to fantasize that the older would break up soon and confess to him. It’s laughable and dumb and too desperate.

And now, when Hyungwon’s sure he has finally forgotten Hyunwoo, he comes to him—for whatever reason. Hyungwon honestly has no idea how to react.

“Hyungwon-ah...”

Hyungwon jerks a little as he realizes they’ve been staring at each other for some time now. He steps back to let the older in, only to say later, “Come in, hyung.” His words feel awkward, stale and strange in his tongue. The prick in his heart stays and starts getting on his nerves. Hyunwoo then steps in and Hyungwon takes his time to close the door and clicks it shut, calming himself in an attempt to act neutral.

 _It’s not an attempt, you **are**_ _calm,_ he muses, turning back towards the guy that takes in his dorm as if it’s a place worthy of honor.

Hyungwon bites his lips as he can’t just say whether the older is okay, or whether he can offer him something. They are clearly _not_ in that term. He would think that Hyungwon has accepted him or welcomed him or any other crazy possibilities Hyunwoo might come up with. Either way, their situation is too impossible for those possibilities to happen.

Seeing Hyunwoo near him like this is already a bizarre concept, something that Hyungwon’s sure wouldn’t happen before gazillion years had passed. But here he is right now, in Hyunwoo’s proximity, letting his eyes notice that broad shoulder he used to hug from behind. Hyunwoo would turn around with his cute smile, full lips jokingly scolded Hyungwon as he pinched the younger’s cheek with so much affection.

 _Stop,_ he mentally tells his shitty brain, which decides to show those _awful_ memories at a time like this. Hyunwoo is not _his_ anymore—Hyungwon’s no longer allowed to touch him, or talk to him, or just... anything best friends normally do.

They’re _not_ anywhere near best friend status now.

“Minhyuk and Hoseok aren’t here,” Hyungwon finally says, catching the older’s attention. He holds his breath when those beautiful, powerful eyes suddenly dimmed. As if the energy has been drained out by some evil control.

Hyungwon feels even more guilty than before ( _yeah, it’s just guilt, my heart hurt because I just don’t want to meet him right now_ ), but he can’t back off. “Can’t—can’t it wait?” he asks, only to find Hyunwoo raising his eyebrows. Hyungwon exhales slowly, trying to calm the hurricane inside himself before it goes out of control. “Your business... with them... can’t it wait until tomorrow?”

“Hyungwon-ah...” Hyunwoo trails off, he extends his hand but thinks better of it.

 _Shit._ Hyunwoo looks terribly hurt now. And Hyungwon doesn’t have the heart to ask him what he really wants.

And deep down inside, Hyungwon knows he might give whatever it is Hyunwoo needs. He had been contemplating about this scenario over and over again, right when Hyunwoo had his seventeenth birthday. The day he met his soulmate—how Hyunwoo introduced him to Hyungwon as their matching red roses glowed for the very first time. That Hyungwon had to cancel his plan to confess right away, forgetting all his well-planned words, and sweet surprises, and all images of Hyunwoo saying _yes_ after he asked him to be his boyfriend. The day his heart finally crumpled and shattered to pieces.

Hyungwon’s mind was in denial for weeks, hoping for any clue that Hyunwoo would ask and beg him to replace his boyfriend instead. His nights spent by muffling his pathetic whimper in his room, swallowing the fact that there would be no Hyunwoo and Hyungwon anymore in the future. At least, not romantically.

And it just hit him so hard when Hyunwoo just left him without saying anything at all. Making Hyungwon even more curious if he had made any mistakes.

It was all in the past, and Hyungwon has had dated some girls and guys since then, but he’s afraid that once Hyunwoo says the word, he’d be willing to do anything.

* * *

“Hyungwon-ah—”

The third time Hyunwoo calls him, Hyungwon dashes quickly to the kitchen, making himself busy brewing some tea. He doesn’t care if his act is rude, or that Hyunwoo would be upset and leave (that would be the best option, anyway), or that he would hate Hyungwon for the rest of his life.

Who _fucking_ cares!

He boils some water and peeks a glance at the living room—Hyunwoo has sat down now, eyes closed shut as his breathing gets heavy. Hyungwon bites his lip, somehow senses that he should calm the older first, or just be there with him.

But he can’t.

So, he fishes out his phone and searches for Hoseok’s contact, typing, _Hyunwoo is here._

He didn’t give any other detail but luckily Hoseok responds fast.

_He’s what? What does he want?_

_I don’t know. I just ran to the kitchen to make myself seem busy._ His hands start trembling now, and Hyungwon places them both on the kitchen counter. He inhales as deeply as he can, waiting for Hoseok’s reply.

_Do you need me to go there?_

_No, don’t,_ he quickly answers, rubbing his sweaty palms to his jeans as he thought how bothersome it would be for Hoseok if he went back here. _Just tell me what to do, he looks messed up._

_Hyungwon, you realize this will happen sooner or later. Maybe you can talk to him first, then you might be able to figure something out._

_So you’re telling me to go with whatever my heart tells me to?_

_If you’re okay with it._

_But hyung... :(_

_Give him a chance, Won-ah. And if something bad happens, call me right away. You do what you have to. Sounds good?_

Hyungwon pulls in a deep breath once again as he texts back, saying he will try his best as the kettle lets out a loud voice. He rights himself and makes some tea, bracing himself to talk to Hyunwoo.

* * *

When Hyungwon goes back, bringing a tray of medium-sized kettle with two cups on it, Hyunwoo immediately says, “My tattoo’s ruined.”

Hyungwon stops in his track, as if he didn’t hear the sentence right. He knows what that means. Broken tattoos, broken bonds. Some mistakes in the relationship, or the person involved. And if Hyunwoo tells Hyungwon this, when he has loved his soulmate dearly all this time to the point that he was able to abandon Hyungwon for good, then it might be worse than what Hyungwon originally thought.

Hyungwon stands in his place for a few seconds that Hyunwoo has to help him place the tray gently on the coffee table. The older’s eyes never leaving Hyungwon’s.

Hyunwoo then rolls his sleeve open, exposing his left inner wrist which holds his soulmate tattoo. He notices how Hyungwon’s eyes widen, looking at him in the eye, then stares back to what used to be a fully bloomed red rose. The rich petals have thinned out, leaving only a few layers, one even falls down and the whole part has started to wither. It looks miserable, and tragic.

“I heard you can help,” Hyunwoo says again as he lowers his hand.

“Help what?” Hyungwon sounds hostile and a bit harsh, but maybe that’s his way of hiding whatever he feels inside. After all, Hyunwoo must have realized how sudden his arrival is, after all this time.

“I thought that maybe... we can convince him that we’re together?” He’s unsure himself, has no idea if he still deserves Hyungwon and can count on him—no, scratch that. He literally just said he wants to take advantage of Hyungwon’s ability. They haven’t talked since Hyunwoo is busy in college. And even after Hyungwon goes to the same university as him, they rarely met—or simply just avoid each other.

However, Hyunwoo had known the rumors about Hyungwon and his new-found “magical” tattoo. And he had been told about some people who wait for their feelings to be reciprocated, and those who succesfully dated him, thanks to his ex who kept badmouthing the younger.

Hyungwon’s peers this year are way too ethusiastic in finding soulmates, going from person to person, classes to classes, building to building—all for broadening their networks. Having a person with a unique tattoo that can change and match colors with theirs is definitely a gift. Something worth trying. Something they can’t possibly miss.

They do realize it’s just an illusion once Hyungwon likes them back. It certainly won’t last long, and it’s possible that the “magical” effect—a.k.a Hyungwon’s feelings for them—only works for certain amount of time. And no matter how much Hyunwoo’s boyfriend—now ex—kept telling him that Hyungwon is a player, deep down inside he still feels those people are lucky.

Even luckier than him.

“You want me to be your rebound?” Hyungwon asks again, his voice thick with suspicion.

“No.” Hyunwoo gulps, his voice broken and quieter, his hands clutching tightly on his shirt. “I need you to be my fake date.”

“Hyunwoo,” Hyungwon calls his name in disbelief, his lips pressing tight as he tries to form a proper sentence from that bold request. “He knows I’ve been dating people for almost two semesters, what makes you think he’ll just buy your lies?”

Hyunwoo is about to open his mouth, before he notices how Hyungwon chews his lip and holds his breath. Hyungwon’s pained expression is what gets through him, and they both know the younger doesn’t even care if all his feelings are out in the open.

“I know he won’t,” Hyunwoo says again, this time swallowing hard. His chest tightening and he feels like him coming here won’t make any difference. “Honestly, I feel so trapped right now, and I don’t know where to go...” he starts, his voice cracks in the end. He gulps again to steady his speech, his eyes finally avoiding Hyungwon’s gaze as he knows he should stop talking already. He shouldn’t be here. “He... he said that no one would love me like how he always does. And if I leave him—” Hyunwoo doesn’t bother to continue. He closes his eyes shut, sucking in some oxygen as if that’s the last drop available.

And to be honest, Hyunwoo himself has no idea what would exactly happen after he breaks up with his ex. He always believed that their soulmate mark is the only important thing in the world. That once they part ways, he’s gonna be horribly miserable. And no matter how much Hyunwoo showed his affection, showering him with lots and lots of genuine care, his ex had never appreciated him for whatever he did. Still, Hyunwoo braced himself and went back to him. Because his ex is the only one. They’re _destined_ to be together. The universe wouldn’t make any mistake. No place for what ifs. No place for conscious choices.

Their quarrels have intensified lately whenever Hyunwoo says he needs to talk to Hyungwon, just to say hi, and make things up. His ex said that his mind is full with Wonnie, Wonnie, and always Wonnie 24/7, despite the constant affection Hyunwoo has never failed to give him. He also said that Hyunwoo didn’t love him as much as he did, telling him that Hyunwoo’s effort these past two years weren’t enough.

At some point, he threatened to do _“something stupid”_ if Hyunwoo did choose Hyungwon more than him. Hyunwoo’s uneasiness finally took over then, and he just said whatever his mind told him to.

That's how he ends up here.

Whatever that something stupid is—either blackmailing him, or baiting to do the unthinkable—Hyunwoo doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. At all. He doesn’t want to be blamed if something bad really happens. Hyunwoo’s not happy with him, and if he can’t say this at least to one person, he’s afraid he’d be going insane.

So he glances back up, towards Hyungwon who just stands still, waiting for him to continue. But the words are stuck in Hyunwoo’s throat. The images of his ex and his words haunt him. They feel so real as if they were in front of his eyes, that his stomach starts clenching and the nausea hits him. He instinctively grabs Hyungwon’s arm and finally manages to say, “Help me... please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is almost finished and would not contain that many chapters (hopefully). I'll try my best to write the rest of it! Thank you so much for reading! (♡´艸`)


	2. Chapter 2

Hyunwoo slides down on his knees, his hand gripping Hyungwon’s tightly. He looks shocked, like he’s lost and hurt and confused at the same time. Hyungwon hates to see him like that, but he has no idea what to do.

There’s a searing hot sensation in his wrist, and Hyungwon winces, instinctively holding his voice back. His anxiety starts to swell in the back of his mind, his eyes stare with horror as his left wrist glows. His _tattoo_ glows. He’s grateful Hyunwoo tucks his right arm, but now Hyungwon feels even more guilty for trying to hide his skin from the older’s gaze, even when the glow is relatively faint.

“Hyung,” he calls, but the older doesn’t seem to hear it even though his eyes are searching through Hyungwon’s. The raven-haired man knows he could just say anything— _anything_ —from the beginning. Something as simple as “ _Don’t worry, hyung, you’ve got me_ ” or “ _I’ll take care of you from now on_.” Or, the most important one: “ _It’s okay, you’ve made the right choice. He doesn’t deserve you, anyway_.”

Yet, all Hyungwon manages to do is get down on his knees too, reluctantly lifting his left arm, and cups the older’s cheek. “Hyung, look at me. Look at me, please...” His thumb rubs on the smooth skin that is now wet with tears. Hyunwoo blinks rapidly but doesn’t seem to get out of whatever bothers him. He keeps sobbing quietly as Hyungwon leans in, cradling Hyunwoo as he lets the older rest his head in the crook of Hyungwon’s neck. His large body trembling and it sends shiver down the younger’s spine.

Hyungwon grits his teeth, resisting his own discomfort for being this close to Hyunwoo. His heart aches, but he also reminds himself that this is not about him. The last thing Hyunwoo needs right now is for Hyungwon to be whiny. Hyungwon pats Hyunwoo’s back as he swears to the whole universe that whoever does this deserves to be kicked to hell!

* * *

The next morning, Hyungwon wakes up with his arms circling around Hyunwoo in his sleep. The clock besides the bed shows 7.30 am, and Hyungwon’s eyes are still heavy. He let the older sleep in his bed last night, lending him Hoseok’s pajamas and getting a wristband for himself. 

Hyungwon honestly wasn’t in the mood to be anywhere near Hyunwoo—his first instinct was to leave the man on Hoseok’s room and hoped everything would turn out better. The thought of him comforting Hyunwoo, even with just words, already prickles all his senses and logic. Yet he didn’t have the heart to make Hyunwoo sleep alone—even when Hoseok gave him full permission. There’s a possibility that Hyunwoo might leave his dorm at night as well, thinking he was rejected or deserve to be left alone, or... or worse.

So the rest is history. Hyungwon did his best to comfort him. He couldn’t utter any word, nor did he think that Hyunwoo was needing any. He reluctantly hugged the older with his arms circling his broad shoulder. And though the joints of his left hand would feel sore in the morning, he chose to stay in that position—probably to make sure Hyunwoo was comfortable enough, or Hyungwon simply didn’t want him to leave. Hyungwon also ended up humming some random lullabies while stroking Hyunwoo’s hair, drifting him into sleep.

Hyungwon himself couldn’t concentrate on closing his eyes, let alone dreaming. His heart was busy drumming like crazy. He felt the warmth from Hyunwoo’s body coursing through him, writhing against the sense of anger and confusion inside his heart, protesting his common sense. It was a nightmare, and having his lily tattoo now in deep, crimson red is not helping at all.

What is he supposed to do with this guy? What is he supposed to say? More importantly, how the fuck are they gonna date when they barely catch up with each other these past two years?

 _This is not a simple matter,_ Hyungwon muses. First, he let the man—the _love_ —of his life (whom he thought he had forgotten) go inside his dorm, telling him how his abusive ex boyfriend had finally gone ballistic.

Second, his tattoo glows red. And it’s the same crimson red that Hyunwoo has, which now has withered at the same time Hyungwon’s true feeling has been swelling up like that. Betraying him. Exposing what he has kept hidden so well this whole time.

And that’s not even the worst part. He’s actually **_happy_ ** for Hyunwoo’s misery... more or less. Still, how more fucked up he could be? If this happened two years ago, Hyungwon would be ecstatic. Now, not so much. He’s confused, endlessly dreading what would entail, how everything would turn up, how he can handle it—and he just wants to escape.

But above all those mess, he still loves Hyunwoo. That fact alone is new to him. He loves the only person he could _never_ get, whom now asks for his help as _pretend_ boyfriend, who might never see him as any more than acquaintances.

It’s clear that Hyungwon is the closest shortcut to get Hyunwoo’s shit done, though the younger doesn’t necessarily disregard the proposal. To top it all, his selfish heart just bubbles up more and more and more. Turns out his long-gone, fragile hopes had been rising and rising without him noticing. And he doesn’t want to undermine Hyunwoo’s feeling and bad experience, but this is exactly the kind of disaster Hyungwon should’ve realized to avoid from the beginning.

* * *

At some point that day, Hyungwon notices that Hyunwoo doesn’t want to go back to his dorm, and Hyungwon has let him have breakfast with him before he takes more rest. It’s been an awkward day because none of them has spoken of anything, and Hyungwon’s brain is too fried to even conjure up any decent topic.

Later in the afternoon, Hoseok is back. His eyes immediately searching the entire dorm, ignoring Hyungwon’s puzzled state at first. Once he spots Hyunwoo in Hyungwon’s room, Hoseok goes back to the living room where Hyungwon blankly stares on the TV screen.

“I let him sleep,” Hyungwon offers after both of them regain their composure. “Yes, in _my_ room,” he adds. “Welcome home, anyway.”

“No need to be snarky, we know he needs our help now,” Hoseok says in a worried voice. He walks pass Hyungwon to the kitchen with a plastic bag in his hand, Hyungwon in tow.

The younger hasn’t managed to ask about Hoseok’s—again—sudden arrival, because it seems that people like to startle Hyungwon nowadays. Once Hoseok is done storing their food stocks in the fridge and the cabinet, they enter Hyungwon’s room quietly and find Hyunwoo, still in Hoseok’s pajamas, sleeping soundly under a thick blanket.

Hyunwoo turns around slowly as he feels another presence around him, his eyes narrowing before fluttering open.

Hyungwon feels bad for waking the older, but before he could do anything, Hoseok struts quickly towards Hyunwoo, his voice a bit stern as he says, “Change your roommate, ask your shitty boyfriend to move out, and maybe let Hyungwon live with you.”

“Hyung, what?” Hyungwon tugs at Hoseok’s shirt, but the older just shrugs him off. He stares at Hoseok in disbelief, averting his gaze towards Hyunwoo. The oldest just looks as appalled as him, but Hyunwoo schools his expression fast and is now sitting straight on Hyungwon’s bed.

The silence stretches longer between them, with Hoseok panting as if he has run a mile, Hyungwon staring at one after the other, and Hyunwoo frowning.

He finally breaks the atmosphere and says, “I can’t possibly bother you two like that. I... I’m sure I can figure this out.” Hyunwoo peaks a glance at Hyungwon as he said his last sentence, and he tries his best to smile.

Hyungwon doesn’t know how to react but anyone can tell that it’s a sad smile, and it pricks his heart more that Hyunwoo thinks both of them won’t help him. Not even in his worst state.

Hyungwon quietly sighs, not wanting to dwell on the thought that he _would_ do anything for Hyunwoo. There is still that urge in him, and he stubbornly, repeatedly fights it back. The older just needs to ask him to, and Hyungwon would automatically do as he wish. He quickly blinks away that thought and sternly replies, “You won’t bother us. I might not be particularly good in deciding what to do, but you can definitely rely on me, Hoseok hyung, and Minhyuk.”

“No, it’s okay.” Hyunwoo’s voice falters, though he clears his throat to make himself sound more convincing. “I can stay at Kihyun’s—”

Hoseok cuts him by shaking his head. “Four people in a dorm are too many,” he says, recalling how Minhyuk often goes there which leads Jooheon and Changkyun to stay at Hyungwon and Hoseok’s dorm instead. Not that Jooheon and Changkyun would mind sharing a bed in Minhyuk’s room, but where the hell will they put Hyunwoo? Their best option so far would be for Hyunwoo or his ex to move out.

“Let him know you have moved on,” Hoseok continues, “no matter how random or unbelievable it is.”

Hyunwoo’s startled, but he smiles anyway. “So you know.”

“We all know.” Hoseok looks at Hyungwon, who pouts sullenly at his direction. He moves his gaze to Hyunwoo again, deeply sympathetic now. “Almost everyone in this campus knows about how horrible your boyfriend is—except you and himself, I guess.”

“Ex now,” Hyungwon corrects him, which Hoseok simply ignores. Hoseok hasn’t known about Hyunwoo’s request last night, but he’s aware Hyungwon has broken up with Siyeon. And throwing “solution” for Hyunwoo to move on, and live with Hyungwon, might be just him—and/or their other friends—connecting two and two together. That would explain so much about how he’s not involved in their discussion.

“It’s a matter of time until you two break up,” Hyungwon finally says, although the jolt he’s caused Hyunwoo is an indication that he’s spoken too far. He swallows hard, a blush creeps up his face as he adds, “Sorry, didn’t mean anyone was actually hoping for it...” knowing how _untrue_ that statement is.

“It’s okay.” Hyunwoo breaks his gaze from Hyungwon’s, finally looking at Hoseok. He closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath, determination on his expression once he has decided. “Fine. I think I’m gonna have to listen to what you guys have.”

* * *

For a person who has a horrible experience of broken heart, Hyunwoo seems very composed with their whole plans this entire week. On Monday morning, he looks as fresh and healthy as he always is. His smile is more genuine and he even eats a lot during breakfast. It’s kinda relieving to see.

However, Hyungwon actually dreads the possibility that Hyunwoo might have a mental breakdown once he goes back to his own dorm, or that he just hides his own anxiety so well. But turns out, Hyunwoo manages well.

“Oh? You’ve got the balls to come back now?” is the first thing his ex says once Hyunwoo enters the dorm. His ex wears his casual clothes, clutching a bag of snacks, their TV is playing some variety show. He doesn’t even bother to look at Hyunwoo, just straight up ignores him and talks to him like he has no sense of respect.

Hyungwon actually has no idea how the two could put up with each other for the past three years.

“I need you to move out, Hajoon-ah,” Hyunwoo says in a surprisingly calm voice.

There’s a silence before Kim Hajoon—Hyunwoo’s so-called ex—turns at them. His eyes widen for awhile at the sight of Hyungwon and Hoseok, but then he glares at Hyunwoo, makes a _tch_ sound, smiling cockily as he replies, “Hyunwoo-ya, you need me to what now? Wouldn’t you just want me back after a few days, a whole week tops, just like usual?”

Hyunwoo clutches his hands, his breath shakes a little. His threatening voice comes out when he retorts, “You heard me the first time, Kim Hajoon. I’ve told the dorm parents and they agree to have you reassigned to another room.”

Hajoon jerks back, clearly not expecting Hyunwoo to retaliate. He still tries too hard to win the situation, “And if I don’t want to?”

“Then I’ll report you to the dean for your blackmailing and manipulative behaviors,” Hoseok interrupts, his eyes narrowed and he’s clearly ready to fight if Hyunwoo needs him to.

Hajoon chuckles as if it was nothing, his laugh sounds maniacal. “You’re bluffing.” Soon, it turns into a laughter, so loud that it starts getting on Hyungwon’s nerves. “None of this is real. You’re just here and spewing out bullshit because Hyunwoo asks you to, so that I’ll act nice again towards him and forgive him after he hurt me.”

Hyungwon makes a face. _Hurt you? How fucked up this guy’s mind is?_

Hajoon’s eyes linger to Hyunwoo’s direction. The way his voice turns playful is sickening. “I know what you’re thinking, Hyunwoo. You want us to live peacefully as soulmates, the only thing important to you right now. To _us_. Right?”

That’s it. Hyungwon’s patience has thinned out. The second he finds Hyunwoo averting his gaze with shaky breaths and trembling lips, Hyungwon decides he has had enough.

“Listen, you freak,” Hyungwon calls, his eyes stare at Hajoon with full hatred and he gets the bastard’s attention in return. “In case you haven’t noticed, your tattoo’s withering.” He cocks his head at the dead flower in Hajoon’s wrist, so dark and visible like a leering humiliation. Now that Hajoon looks down at his own mark, and swallowing hard, Hyungwon scoffs and smiles at him with presumptuous look. “You know what’s best, though? I’ve got the crimson you were so full of before,” he turns his own wrist to show the others, “and now the compass is complete. No longer broken.”

Everyone’s attention is on him now, Hoseok in disbelief, Hyunwoo... confused. Not bad, but not what Hyungwon expects either. Not after he decides to be so open like this.

“You’re lying!”

“No. _You_ are lying,” Hyungwon reprimands, eyes not wavering from Hajoon’s flushed cheeks and embarrassed state. “Soulmates? Living peacefully?” He scoffs again, solely for a dramatic purpose. “You wish. You don’t deserve Hyunwoo, he’s too good to be true. And it’s too late to get him back now. I’ve made him mine.” Hyungwon dares himself to look at Hyunwoo, who now blushes and avoids his gaze as he continues, looking at Hajoon again with a smug face, “Also, we’ve got proofs as well as witnesses for what you had done to him all this time. So while we’re asking you _nicely_ , why don’t you start to pack, Kim Hajoon-ssi?”

* * *

Saying that name feels stale in his mouth, because Hyungwon never wants to know. He never tried to know, either, despite being introduced to eons ago. But, what’s more daunting is to admit to the whole world that his tattoo is complete now. The colored flower, the full round compass he never thought he would have. And Hyunwoo hasn’t said anything to him since that day, but probably he’s still busy with their report on Hajoon’s behavior. At least, that’s what Hyungwon tells himself.

He has tried to peek a glance at Hyunwoo’s own tattoo, hoping it would bloom, or at least getting back to the default black. Once it’s in Hyungwon’s direct line of vision, it’s still withering, only this time the color has grown back to crimson. He covers it with long sleeve shirts the whole time, making Hyungwon feel the need to cover his wrist as well.

It does take them a whole week to get Hajoon finally be in the hearing with the dean, the panel, along with Hoseok, Hyunwoo, and some friends who saw their break up incident with the shouting and beating. 

Hyungwon regrets not asking the older more when he came to his dorm. He is there watching the hearing as a moral support, listening to Hajoon giving unwarranted statement. He keeps blaming Hyunwoo, saying the older had numerously hurt him, and that him doing the physical misconduct was clearly just a “misunderstanding”, indicating that Hyunwoo deserved it—which is sick.

Their friends counter those pretty well, showing several videos taken at last weekend’s party where it all happened. And since Hajoon keeps on denying his mistakes, the dean ends up getting enraged while concluding the hearing with the panel.

Hajoon finally gets a full month’s suspension from the campus, and gets banned from his club activity for good.

Hyungwon just has no idea how long this has happened, how come Hyunwoo kept it all to himself—and whether his request to be a fake boyfriend still stands after Hyungwon’s sudden revelation. More importantly, will Hyunwoo consider Hyungwon reliable if he needs help? Or will he just dismiss the idea, now that he’s finally free to choose?

He has met Hyunwoo several times after that, along with his other friends. Never the two of them alone. Outside of Hajoon-related stuffs, it feels like they’ve gone back to their old routine before. Hyunwoo busy with his study and football activity, Hyungwon with his stacked assignments and band practice with Jooheon and Siyeon.

And honestly, Hyungwon has no idea what to think or feel. He’s relieved because Hyunwoo is safe now, but a part of himself keeps questioning, _So that’s it? Just like how I expected? He only needs me when he needs his shit to be terminated_ —

His mind is interrupted by a familiar figure approaching him, his breathing labored as he finally arrives in front of Hyungwon.

Hyunwoo.

“Hyungwon, hi.”

“Hyung.” Hyungwon startles, but quickly regains his composure as his eyes meet Hajoon several meters behind the older. He frowns, but turns to Hyunwoo again with a wide smile. For a split second, Hyunwoo seems distraught, but his expression neutral. And in that instant, Hyungwon somehow understands the situation. He leans forward and pecks a small kiss on the older’s lips. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Yeah, sorry, class got delayed a few minutes longer.” Hyunwoo plays along and smiles back, a faint blush evident in both his cheeks. They’re standing in their campus quad, near the sidewalk in between the library building and the lecture halls.

Minhyuk snorts to get his existence noticed by the couple. He has been with Hyungwon but let the younger think by himself while he was busy texting Kihyun. He never feels ignored whatsoever, and he’s about to tease when his eyes narrowing at Hajoon who seems to hesitate at first but now is strolling towards them.

“What the hell is he doing here?” Minhyuk doesn’t hesitate to break the couple’s reunion near him and dashes away to call the security.

Hyungwon is disturbed as well, and he hates this. Still, this is about Hyunwoo, and he needs to protect him. So he calmly takes Hyunwoo’s hand, cups it warmly in his, his thumb caressing the older’s skin slowly to give him reassurance.

“So it’s like this now? You’re just gonna date him?” Hajoon starts, eyes accusing and tone loathing. He scoffs dramatically when he adds, “You hurt me, and then left me, for someone whom you can’t even trust?”

Hyungwon is irritated. This disgusting person is clearly playing victim, and if he had had enough before, he has no idea how hard he clenches his jaw and holds his fist back right now. “Bold of you to assume you deserve Hyunwoo.” _Or to think that Hyunwoo still wants you._

Hajoon turns to Hyungwon as he steps forward. His nose flares, his words full with malice when he threatens, “And you do?”

His attempt at taking things further abruptly stops when two people grab his arms and drag him forcefully out of the courtyard. He tries to yank them away but to no avail, and he sees Hyungwon with rage. “He will betray you, Hyunwoo!” He starts shouting as his body is getting slightly farther from them. “He will fall for another person right after a couple of days, just like he always did! He’s just using you—” Hajoon’s sentence gets cut off as one of the men elbows him in the ribs, hard enough to shut him up.

Minhyuk has gone back to Hyungwon’s side, and none of them speaks for a brief moment. All those pathetic attempts to make a scene, and possibly to get Hyunwoo back, for nothing.

 _Well, Hajoon is full of himself if he believes Hyunwoo still wants to be with him_ , Hyungwon muses. He finally turns to see if Hyunwoo is hurt. His worried tone is evident when he asks, “Hyung, are you okay? Did he do something to you?”

Hyunwoo startles and he quickly shakes his head. “I’m fine, just...” He glances at where Hajoon’s gone, then turns again to Hyungwon. “I’m sorry for what he just said... none of them is true.”

“Nah,” Hyungwon waves his hand, acting like it wasn’t a big deal, “don’t mind him.”

He _does_ actually mind, he’s afraid Hyunwoo would leave him and never ask for his help again. Or worse, Hyunwoo might wonder if he could still trust Hyungwon at all.

But then again, is this what Hyungwon really wants? For him and Hyunwoo to be a _thing_ , even if it’s merely a play pretend?

Hyunwoo suddenly tightens his grip, breaking Hyungwon’s thought. “I trust you, Wonnie.”

 _Wonnie?_ Hyungwon blinks, his chest suddenly bursts with something... _whatever_ it is, for that nickname Hyunwoo used to call him.

“You’re my...” Hyunwoo hesitates, biting his lower lip, probably aware they’re being stared at by everyone around them, and that saying the wrong word might send Hajoon in their path again. Something all of them want to avoid. “You’re my _boyfriend_ , after all,” he finally says, and Hyungwon just nods. As convincingly as he can.

No matter how it hurts, Hyungwon smiles and slowly hugs the older. For his safety, and for his own good. He can’t be selfish at such times like this, and reading too much between the lines... the Wonnie thing, the way Hyunwoo stares at him as if he’s the brightest star in the whole universe... the familiar fragrance (that also happens to be Hyungwon’s favorite), and the way his strong arms wrap around him... 

Hyungwon mentally shakes his head. It’s all an act. It’s _just_ an act. He needs to get ahold of himself. He should’ve known better. It’s not like Hyunwoo still considers him a best friend or anything, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad I can finally update chapter two, and I wanna say that I'm quite inspired to write the hearing scene based on Choices' The Sophomore Book 2, Chapter 9. If you're curious, y'all can watch that scene on YouTube near the ending. ^3^
> 
> I have so much fun writing this! Let's all keep loving Showhyung! 😆🐻🐢💖


	3. Chapter 3

Several days after that incident, life has been quite rough for Hyunwoo. Hyungwon watches all Hyunwoo has been through closely enough—the way his breathing goes quick and shallow, how his hand tingle in Hyungwon’s hold, the way he often clears his throat as his mouth goes dry. This happens whenever they have to go separate ways, mostly Hyunwoo to his classes where Hajoon is also ( _used to_ be) present, even when that man is still on suspense.

Hyungwon wants to say something to comfort him, but often times, his tongue feels tied. He has no idea if what he says would help at all. He usually ends up circling his hand on Hyunwoo’s arm, hugging him slightly, pretending they’re perfectly fine as brandly-new boyfriends. Everyone at campus practically knows how “happy” they are for each other, despite their tattoo differences and Hyunwoo’s previous circumstances.

Many also think that Hyungwon is Hyunwoo’s savior. Which isn’t true at all, as if “ _dating_ ” Hyunwoo has not been difficult enough.

Hyungwon is deeply conflicted. On one hand, he really wants to protect Hyunwoo at all cost, even if that can only be done by pretending to be his boyfriend. It’s probably the safest and the most comfortable way Hyunwoo would accept his help. On the other hand, he knows that being just a boyfriend like that is not enough for Hyunwoo. Although the older seems like he believes he doesn’t need more than what he currently has.

Hyunwoo has been accompanied anywhere around campus by the others—at which time the six of them are worried about him, and since Hyunwoo doesn’t seem to mind, they take turn coming along with him. Every day, the seven of them also have lunch together. Hyungwon occasionally arrives first with Hyunwoo and takes the older to his classes afterwards.

It’s become a routine that Hyungwon thinks it’s okay to let Hyunwoo have his time recovering by himself. His laugh already sounds genuine. He frequently tells joke in the most natural and effortless way Hyungwon and the others always know him (though probably _less_ for Hyungwon, since they barely talk for the past two years). The gleam in his eyes, the low and tender voice whenever Hyunwoo speaks ( _especially_ to Hyungwon), how he invites the others to watch his practice, he even suggests them all to watch a movie sometime later this week...

All those behaviors have made Hyungwon believe that Hyunwoo is alright. He has his friends he could rely on. He has completely forgotten the one and only disgrace to humanity that is Kim Hajoon. Life is simple and happy like that.

But of course, that’s just Hyunwoo’s way of hiding his true feelings—to make himself seem alright. To not cause any worries around the others.

That one afternoon, Hyunwoo stops in his track after they’ve got their lunch. Hyungwon turns his head almost immediately. His grip on Hyunwoo’s hand tightens, his expression alarmed. The older only fidgets in his place and avoids Hyungwon’s gaze. His hands clammy, and his breathing bursting in and out.

“Hyung, what’s wrong?”

“I...” Hyunwoo stammers, seemingly struggling to find the right words. Eventually, he looks up at Hyungwon, his gaze doubtful. So Hyungwon squeezes his hand gently to assure him it’s okay to talk. “I don’t feel I can follow the rest of my class. Do you...” he clears his throat, drawing in deep breath before speaking again, “do you mind accompanying me for awhile?”

“Sure,” Hyungwon answers without a doubt. His fingers interlacing with Hyunwoo’s fluidly. All of the people passing by in the corridor—looking at them, scrutinizing with curiosity plastered so obviously in their faces—blur as Hyungwon and Hyunwoo stare at each other.

Hyungwon can’t grasp what’s in there exactly. Fear, perhaps. Or Hyunwoo finally decides to open up about his growing anxiety. Either way, Hyungwon knows he can’t just abandon him, and this is the right time to get Hyunwoo to talk—he needs to, anyway. Like it or not.

“I have no class anymore and was about to go to the library. Guess I can continue at your dorm?” Hesitantly, Hyunwoo nods as a response, and Hyungwon smiles at that, trying his best to encourage him. “Great, then! We can grab dinner later together if you don’t mind.” 

They turn away from the corridor towards the campus lawn, crossing several buildings until they reach the older’s dorm. Both are silent along the way, each contemplating in their own minds. Somehow, Hyungwon can feel Hyunwoo is getting tense, and he rubs the older’s hand. He considers texting Minhyuk or Hoseok to come by after their classes, but cancels it in the last minute to respect Hyunwoo’s privacy.

He can’t lose the older’s trust, anyway. At least, not until Hyungwon knows Hyunwoo is fully moved on.

* * *

Hyunwoo’s dorm is quiet without the usual noise Hyungwon is familiar with whenever he visits it for the past two weeks. Minhyuk would usually snatch the remote control and fight with Hoseok or Changkyun about what channels they could watch. Kihyun would nag at them and tell them to be quiet, and only— _only_ when Jooheon asked with his large, pleading eyes—would Minhyuk calm and succumb to the peace that the group demands.

Hyungwon would only observe and laugh whenever the fight got a little bit heated. He even teased Kihyun just to keep him irritated (which got Minhyuk hissing at him as a warning, and Hyungwon would roll his eyes. Minhyuk could be so extra when taking care of his beloved boyfriend). And Hyungwon would pretend to seek protection behind Hyunwoo’s back. The older didn’t seem to mind, and kept on munching the snacks they brought to his dorm. They bickered and taunted and roasted each other, hoping Hyunwoo could at least get rid off his growing pain or loneliness.

Occasionally, when they were back at their own dorm, Minhyuk suggested him to move in with Hyunwoo, as an assurance that the older would feel safe, so they can keep in touch whenever possible. Hyungwon doesn’t really reject his idea, but the prospect of telling Hyunwoo this out of the blue just irks him too much.

It’s possible that Hyunwoo might refuse Hyungwon for the second time... or maybe even _third_ time, considering the fake boyfriend works well so far, meaning Hyungwon might no longer be needed once everything has calmed down.

Besides, forcing and pretending are not what Hyungwon imagined when he wanted to have Hyunwoo, or at least get along well with him again.

Hyungwon snaps out of his thought when Hyunwoo’s grip on his hand tightens. They stop in front of two cardboard boxes, and Hyungwon can already guess what’s in it. A lump forms tightly in his throat—one of the boxes slightly opens, showing what might be Hyunwoo and Hajoon’s mementos during their time together. The older probably have saved them, treasuring them like the most precious things in the world. Hyungwon and Hyunwoo used to do that before—they’d keep anything from movie to concert tickets, their selcas they took whenever they had dinner together, a pile of restaurant coupons they got—ripped and a bit torn...

Hyungwon sucks a deep breath as he can imagine clearly how it was all happening again to Hyunwoo. Unless this time, Hyungwon is excluded from the picture.

“I don’t have the heart to throw them away myself,” Hyunwoo says, still looking blankly at the items before them.

 _I know,_ Hyungwon muses, swallowing hard. His heart suddenly burns, his mind agitated. _You don’t have to show me like this_.

“I... I do want to start over,” Hyunwoo continues again, his eyes closed, his breathing comes in and out slowly. “It’s just... I might have to ask for your help.”

Hyungwon peeks a glance, at the serene expression Hyunwoo always has, which now also looks wounded. Hyungwon quietly thinks of it again. Whenever Hyunwoo smiles nowadays, it rarely reaches his eyes—gone are the soft brown eyes that used to crinkle and make his face look adorable. What was once Hyungwon’s most favorite expression, has become the lost, exhausted one that the owner doesn’t deserve.

Just as Hyunwoo opens his eyes, he pries his gaze away, _obviously_ avoiding Hyungwon’s. The younger finally does the same, looking at the useless objects with burning hatred, his free hand forms into a fist. He can’t possibly be around Hyunwoo, let alone comforting him, when his heart is still selfish and his mind is full with unhealthy obsession.

Hyunwoo needs time, and Hyungwon should understand that. He _should_ support him whatever he needs. Even if that means Hyungwon’s own heart bleeds.

“I understand,” Hyungwon finally answers. He slightly swings their interlacing hands to make Hyunwoo face him, Hyungwon smiles when the older peeks a glance reluctantly. “You can stay here and take some rest. I’ll borrow a hand truck from the dorm’s supply room and ask someone to help me bring this out.” When Hyungwon wants to pull his hand away, Hyunwoo refuses to let go. He holds Hyungwon solidly, which makes Hyungwon’s heart soar but he quickly, frantically brushes it off.

“You’ll be okay, hyung,” he reassures Hyunwoo, wide smile still plastered effortlessly on his face. Looking at Hyunwoo like this, with the possibility of him not moving on even just a bit, is enough to prick his heart to the core, leaving a deep puncture that he might not be able to fix.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” he says again as he slowly lets go of Hyunwoo’s grip, out of the older’s dorm and straight to the elevator. His heartbeat drums quickly, his mind rumbles with anxious thoughts and agonizing pressure. His left hand trembles and he can sense that his tattoo might no longer glow.

Hyungwon’s breathing turns labored once he reaches the supply room. His chest hitching, knees suddenly go weak, and he slides down near the door once he’s sure no one is around. His vision gets blurry and the next thing he knows, his cheeks are already wet. He rubs his eyes as lines of tears keep trailing down his face. Occasionally, he chokes a sob and he quickly covers his mouth with his hand, holding back his anger.

Indeed, Hyunwoo has broken up with Hajoon, their soulmate bond is gone and literally everyone has the same chance to be with him. But, Hyunwoo’s heart still belongs somewhere. Or, rather, it belongs to a _certain_ someone. Either way, Hyungwon has to remind himself again and again that no matter how much the older was hurt, his heart is still beating for the same person and that person only.

That afternoon, Hyungwon ends up asking for the staff’s help to bring Hyunwoo’s boxes down, while he goes back to his dorm, curling himself pathetically in his room as his mind tries to erase the growing possibilities of what might happen next.

* * *

Hyungwon goes to his band practice quite rigorously for the past three days. He somehow finds a believable reason to stay out of his group’s activity for awhile—escaping lunch, dodging every invite to play some game and just hang out at Hyunwoo’s dorm, basically anything to avoid Hyunwoo at all cost. All those time, Minhyuk seems like he wants to say something but knows better. He caught Hyungwon holding back his sobs alone before, and he was nice enough not to do or say anything other than just hugged him comfortingly. 

At the studio in the middle of their practice, exactly an hour and a half, Siyeon groans as Hyungwon strums his guitar at the wrong time again, just as she presses the same chord on her keyboard. Her voice just reaches a high note of their song, but immediately drops after that. This is not even funny anymore.

“We should stop meeting like this,” she whines, not even hiding her frustration. “You keep zoning out, and we’ve been hitting the notes almost always together, and my ears have started bleeding.” Her eyes glare at Hyungwon, then turn at Jooheon—who hasn’t been interested (or even bothered) to play his drums for the past thirty minutes, and now only shakes his head a little and smiles apologetically. Siyeon huffs. She’s sure the subject of her veiled annoyance doesn’t even realize there are other human beings around him.

Sighing loudly, Siyeon approaches Hyungwon then grabs his arm, making the man startle. “Hyungwon-ah,” she calls, and Hyungwon blinks, eyes still not focused. “I have a date with Yoohyeon and our practice literally goes nowhere. We’re just wasting time.” She lets go, noticing Hyungwon has started to actually _listen_ to her. “I gotta go. You should at least apologize to Jooheon for arranging our schedule with the other groups, booking the studio at impossible times, and putting up with whatever you’ve been doing.” She walks to where her bag is neglected near the soundproof wall, bids goodbye to Jooheon, then closes the door with a loud slam.

Jooheon now sighs as he is left to deal with Hyungwon—not that he minds, yet he also doubts his communication skill, especially when it comes to Hyungwon’s behavior these past few days. Minhyuk and Hoseok, Hyungwon’s roommates for two semesters, who are supposed to be the closest to him, are ignored. Which gets Minhyuk upset and Hoseok concerned.

None of them said anything even when they felt the tension Hyungwon has caused for Hyunwoo whenever he left abruptly, especially since he left on purpose. It kinda gets worse when Hyunwoo admitted Hyungwon has left his dorm without saying anything anymore, which is totally uncalled for.

“You need to rest,” Jooheon says, getting Hyungwon’s attention. He helps the older to place the guitar and let them both sit in the soft carpet, his hand grabs a bottle of water near his drum set. “Water?” he offers, out of courtesy.

Hyungwon shakes his head, so Jooheon proceeds gulping all the water down to his stomach.

“You should apologize to Hyunwoo hyung,” Jooheon starts, his tone urging though at the same time, Hyungwon knows he’s a little worried. Jooheon has always been the observant one in their group—he talks with all of them, but never to the point of interfering with their private business, especially when it comes to Hyungwon and Hyunwoo. He’s always been neutral. And if he decides to talk with Hyungwon like this (based on his own initiative or their friends’ commands), then Jooheon really means it.

“Why? Because I left his dorm and then never came back after that?” Hyungwon snickers, his self defence mechanism just gets the best of him. “I told him two days ago, I got urgent things to do and haven’t had the chance to tell him. I literally said sorry.”

Jooheon scoffs, his almond brown eyes narrowing at the older. “To which everyone knew you were lying.”

Hyungwon sighs, he’s tired and his cluttered mind can only scream, _If everyone said nothing then I suppose everything’s fine!_ But he knows it’s not true. “You all know why,” he says, finally. “I can’t... I can’t face him like this. Not until I finally calm down.”

The younger frowns. “What makes you _not_ calm down?”

“Didn’t he say why I was there with him that day?” Hyungwon snaps, but when Jooheon stays quiet, an understanding gradually dawns on him. His eyes widen before he looks away, ashamed that he didn’t recognize this sooner. “So that’s why...” He slowly takes a deep breath, then proceeds to tell Jooheon about what happened that day, how he ran like a coward, over analyzing things to the point that he made himself believe Hyunwoo still wants to be with Hajoon. While all this time, Hyungwon managed to threaten him that Hyunwoo didn’t even want to have anything to do with Hajoon again.

“Hyunwoo hyung didn’t say anything when we asked what happened between you two.” Jooheon glances up, his hand reaching out to hold Hyungwon’s in a reassuring gesture. “You’re the first person he has opened up to so far, none of us got that kind of chance at all.”

Hyungwon is speechless now—his mouth is dry and there’s a lump in his throat. All the previous guilt rushes back through him all over again. “This is... this is not about me—”

“Exactly!” Jooheon exclaims, cutting Hyungwon mid-way to make him understand. “This is about you two, and about whatever thing that both of you need to fix as soon as possible. Just go talk to him, tell him what you feel. I think I know why Hyunwoo hyung trusts you so much. You’re the most sincere person he’s ever known, and that fact doesn’t change. You’ve been through shit yet you choose to stay beside him and help him. I’m sure he knows what it means, Hyungwon-ah.”

Hyungwon looks at Jooheon in disbelief, his heart beating in the most excruciating way. He wants to believe what the younger just said, wants to shut all the doubts that have been plaguing him and torturing him in the process.

“But the mementos... he might still want to be with Hajoon,” Hyungwon says, reluctantly.

“Well, who cares, right? He might still blame himself for what happened; they’re supposed to be soulmates, after all. We’re lucky that Hyunwoo hyung finally realizes how manipulative and totally an asshole Hajoon is.” Jooheon grunts, rolling his eyes dramatically. “The only thing you need right now is to talk to him. It might be hard, but you have to start somewhere.”

Hyungwon is silent for awhile before he eventually nods, despite the fear that creeps on his heart, the hesitation that grazes all over him that what he wants might not be granted. Not that Hyunwoo _should_ _always_ accept him, but the thought of being deceived by his own tattoo would be pretty telling of how stupid and desperate he is.

Hyunwoo is the one Hyungwon truly wants, Hyunwoo is all his life, and always has been. To think that there might be no second chance haunts him to the core, and he’s afraid he might not be able to do anything if that really happened.

But hopefully, he’ll work something out this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been quite a while since I last updated but finally I managed to finish writing chapter 3 >w<
> 
> I really have fun writing this, planning what might happen next, and it has been such a 180 turn for Hyungwon, and I guess it's gonna take more time for him and Hyunwoo to finally get along well. (Not to be spoiler-y though, but yeah, there's that. :')) 
> 
> Tell me what you think in the comment! And thank you so much for reading this far!! Let's keep loving Showhyung!  
> (♡´艸`) 🐻🐢💞


	4. Chapter 4

The hallway is empty when Jooheon parts ways with him, leaving Hyungwon alone toward Hyunwoo’s dorm to the right direction from the elevator. The lamps above illuminate his tall, lean body. Faint sounds from behind the walls can be heard as he walks through; roommates yelling over some background music from video games, the crunch of plastic bags, water running while someone singing with unmusical nasal in the shower. It’s a lively night, and his nervousness eases down a little from the crowd’s noise he can hear around him—no matter how muffled.

Hyungwon has told Minhyuk that he would come to Hyunwoo’s dorm, and might even stay over if things went well. Minhyuk wishes him the best of luck, asking Hyungwon to tell him the details later. Hyungwon knows how much the others are rooting for him, despite Hyungwon being unsure about himself and how Hyunwoo would possibly react.

Taking a deep breath, Hyungwon knocks on the door, expecting to hear a shuffle of approaching feet before the door clicks open, or any sign of Hyunwoo waiting for him and welcoming him—

Yeah, that was silly. Even after what he did, he still hopes that Hyunwoo would just be okay with that, which is most likely impossible. Hyungwon licks his lips, easing his own breathing. His hands tremble as he knocks again, praying that Hyunwoo hasn’t appeared only because he didn’t hear Hyungwon the first time, and that he wasn’t necessarily neglected or ignored on purpose. He promises himself that the first chance he sees Hyunwoo, he would immediately apologize.

But, after a few knocks, no one answers. Hyungwon becomes a bit hesitant, his hand reaches for the handle, pushing it enough that the door creaks open.

The light is still on, a well-known jingle of commercials from the television hums faintly around the living room. Hyungwon locks the door carefully and walks to the source of the sound, finding Hyunwoo hugging a cushion while sleeping soundly. His hair ruffled, brows furrowing as his eyelids flutter. He looks peaceful and sort of adorable until Hyungwon sees how his breathing comes out pained and shaky.

Hyungwon immediately scrambles towards his direction, almost tripping on the stack of books scattered on the floor. He hisses as his foot lands safely, crouching in front of Hyunwoo. His hand caressing the older’s cheek.

“Hyung, wake up,” he says, softly, but also urging the older guy to open his eyes. “It’s just a dream, hyung. None of it happened...”

Hyunwoo doesn’t budge and only rolls his body, Hyungwon even considers to just let him be. He would watch Hyunwoo until he has calmed down, whispering comforting words if needed, making up for the previous mess he had caused for the past three days.

Hyungwon snaps out of his mind as soon as those thoughts pop out. He reaches his hand towards Hyunwoo, but immediately freezes when the older flinches away.

“Hajoon...”

Hyungwon’s breathing hitches, his mind suddenly empty. A shiver runs down his spine. The looming idea of bolting out from the dorm tempts him so much, yet he bites his lower lip, stays perfectly still, waits as his heart hammers—until Hyunwoo gradually opens his eyes, blinking slowly.

“Hyung,” Hyungwon calls again, a sigh escapes his mouth, his expression torn between wounded and reluctant. “I... the door wasn’t locked and I found you...” he trails off, watching Hyunwoo’s confused look as he tries to form more coherent words. “I’m sorry,” he says finally, hoping Hyunwoo would respond to him.

Hyungwon wouldn’t dare to expect much after this, anyway. Maybe his chances are really gone, all his ridiculous hopes built up for nothing. He wanders in his thoughts for a few seconds that he jolts at a warm sensation on his hand. Hyunwoo’s palm enveloping Hyungwon’s, his skin a little calloused, yet feels familiar and calming. Although he’s also careful when he calls the younger’s name.

“Hyungwon-ah.”

Hyunwoo’s voice tense, cracking a little. As if that name would never be able to slip out of his lips, not even by accident, not from now or ever. As if he’s destined not to call him.

Hyungwon aches to see him like this, knowing  _ he  _ is the one who caused it. “I’m here,” he croaks, swallowing hard.

“Hyungwon-ah...” Hyunwoo calls again, like he wants to make sure the other is there, his hand gripping even more tightly than before.

“Sshh, hey, I’m here, it’s just a bad dream...” Hyungwon is quick to crouch down and let his other hand caresses Hyunwoo’s cheek. “You’re safe, okay? No one would hurt you.”

Hyunwoo just nods, breathing harshly until Hyungwon guides him to inhale and exhale slowly. He refuses to say anything at first, but eventually speaks briefly, “Please stay.”

Staring at how Hyunwoo gazes at him, gentle and sincere yet hesitant at the same time, Hyungwon wants to immediately hug his hyung. He doesn’t deserve all this mess, and a comforting gesture would be the best option to calm him. Hyungwon finally just settles with sitting next to Hyunwoo, as closely he can manage as possible, not wanting to scare the older away. He doesn’t want Hyunwoo to think that he’s being intrusive or pushy, Hyungwon wants to give him as much space as he needs, anyway. But not too distant either that it leaves such “I don’t care about you so stop bothering me”-impression.

The silence lingers for a while, heavy with emotion, though at the same time warm, easier to handle. Hyunwoo holds Hyungwon’s hand as he slowly breathes in and out. The younger accompanies him patiently, at some point his thumb rubs on the back of Hyunwoo’s hand. It’s peaceful even when they don’t talk much. It’s practically like the old time. 

Somehow, Hyungwon enjoys it.

“Hyung—”

“Have you eaten?”

Hyungwon is taken aback by the question, but he shakes his head as an answer.

Hyunwoo smiles softly at that, then says that he has made dinner for both of them. Without waiting any longer, or even saying anything, he stands up and tugs the younger’s left hand towards the kitchen. He tries to avoid looking at his hand in Hyunwoo’s grip, which happens to be exposed considering Hyungwon wears a black t-shirt for band practice today. Yet, his peripheral vision inadvertently catches the tattoo, now glowing in deep, dark red—the  _ same _ shade of red Hyunwoo has, though his own tattoo is still black now.

Hyunwoo averts his gaze, ignoring this fact as the silence looming over them thickens. He can sense that there’s something they need to talk about immediately, not just about the tattoo, but also the wounded look Hyungwon sent him when he first opened his eyes a few minutes before. Hyunwoo doesn’t particularly remember what he dreamt of, or what he might say during his sleep, yet his thoughts keep scrambling for possibilities and—somehow—worries.

He silently sighs, then invites Hyungwon to sit while he prepares their plates, all the while smiling gently, masking his wary expression as best as he can.

Hyungwon keeps watching Hyunwoo carefully, once even offering to help, to which Hyunwoo denies and says that he wants to welcome Hyungwon after such a long day.

The younger startles, but says nothing other than murmuring a brief “thanks”. They eat in silence after that—the more they wait, the more Hyunwoo realizes Hyungwon is here not just for dinner. A mutual understanding just kinda rushes over both of them—they know that the important, forthcoming conversation can definitely wait. Right now, making their stomach full is their top priority.

* * *

Hyungwon senses the discomfort around Hyunwoo—or maybe he’s just being uncertain and awkward. Nevertheless, he curses internally at his own inner wrist. He used to wear a dark wristband to cover it, today is no exception, until he arrived at the practice room and felt his skin too sweaty. At some point, he must have taken it off mindlessly and forgot to put it back—he just realized it when his tattoo gleamed once Hyunwoo grabbed his hand and led him.

Hyungwon has finished eating now, gazing at Hyunwoo who refills his plate and devours his homemade  _ kkanpung saeu  _ like the food would vanish if he didn’t hurry. He just finished his  _ jajangmyeon _ and asked if Hyungwon still wants the remaining shrimp, and he politely rejects. Judging from Hyunwoo’s appetite, it’s obvious that the older has waited too long for him to arrive and decided not to eat first.

Hyungwon is actually amazed at how the older still remembers his favorite food—he would gobble and never get bored of shrimp no matter how much he’s gonna be spoonfed for it. Though, this isn’t the right time to think about this. His hand reaches for his water, gulping slowly, his mind racing to interpret what the current, never-ending glow means.

Sure, he’s interested in Hyunwoo, and his heartbeat increases, thunders rapidly like crazy. He might even have a tingling sensation coursing through his body every time Hyunwoo shoots a concerned glare towards him. His tremulous hopes just get elated like that, despite not knowing what Hyunwoo’s real intention is.

The dread from before crawls all over Hyungwon again, his throat suddenly dry. Well, technically, it isn’t, he’s just drinking and all. He only feels the  _ sensation _ of a dry throat, then his tongue suddenly has no idea how to move and form coherent words. Moreover, Hyungwon doubts if this is the right timing to talk. Would he disturb Hyunwoo? Or would it be better if he settled things fast?

Growing tired of his own endless inner battle, Hyungwon stands and brings his empty plate, walking around the table to get to the sink. Halfway through, Hyunwoo holds his wrist, tucking it slowly. Hyungwon jolts, turning his head as the older guy just accidentally exposes his glowing tattoo that he forgot to cover.

“Hyungwon-ah,” Hyunwoo calls, flashing a gentle smile, “you don’t have to. We can take care of the dishes later.”

Hyungwon frowns. “This is the least that I can do but, well... if you say so.” He shrugs, then sits again at the table, this time right beside Hyunwoo. They stay silent for a little while, it has gone way too repetitive now, and he decides to look closely at Hyunwoo. His expression is dim, his shoulders tense. He seems conflicted, and Hyungwon doesn’t know that he should be happy or concerned since he currently feels the same.

_ We’re gonna talk right here,  _ Hyungwon muses, silently calming his thundering heartbeat, _ right now. _

When Hyunwoo speaks again, his voice startles Hyungwon. “You might have known this and I should’ve said it earlier...” Hyunwoo smiles, and his eyes look a little bit sad. And Hyungwon is worried sick that he might have made some mistakes he didn’t realize—except, that mistake has been done and now there’s no going back from it.

_ Fuck!  _ Hyungwon muses, his mind turns frantic. His voice tight, and he swallows down thickly. “I’m so—”

“I’m being selfish, Won-ah.”

“Huh? What are you—”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, hyung, I—I’m the one at fault,” Hyungwon cuts him, avoiding Hyunwoo’s gaze as he inhales deeply. “I’m the one being selfish. I shouldn’t bail on you like that. It was not... nice of me, to say the least.”

Silence looms over them for a while, and Hyungwon is busy fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt. He ducks his head, avoiding Hyunwoo’s gaze as he can feel the older guy keep staring at him. Or, at his  _ tattoo _ , the compass and lily still blazing red, solid and striking. Hyungwon has no idea if he should hide it anymore.

He jolts as Hyunwoo cups Hyungwon’s hand, slowly interlacing their fingers. Hyungwon eventually looks up, eyes glinting with crippling anxiety.

Hyunwoo takes a deep breath before turning his head, now their eyes locking into each other. “Hyungwon,” he starts, “I shouldn’t ask that from you, not from the very first time, at all. There are other ways to get that person... completely out of my life, and I didn’t realize that what I asked from you might hurt you, or even burden you.” He sighs again, regret fills his voice this time. “You don’t deserve this.”

Hyungwon chuckles to himself. “Then, I guess, we’re both so selfish towards each other.” He flashes a smile—he tries his best though it doesn’t reach his eyes. Hyungwon only wants to hold on to Hyunwoo, making sure he wouldn’t leave him anymore. That’s all he focuses on these past few weeks, he was so ready to do anything even if it hurt himself. He doesn’t know anymore if what he did was even worth it.

“I miss you, hyung,” he says again, resting his head on Hyunwoo’s shoulder. “I didn’t know that your birthday was the last time I could have a chance to talk to you. Properly.” He bites his lower lip, his voice trembles as his cheeks flushed, and he feels a searing pain in the back of his throat. Hyungwon wants to keep expressing his feelings, but his chest tightens. He manages to talk, anyway. “I miss you every single day. I just have no idea why you left, and if I made any mistake at all. I’m sorry...”

Hyunwoo seems like he’s at a loss for words. Still, he turns his body so they face each other, and he wraps his other arm around Hyungwon. His palm strokes the younger’s back in a soothing manner. “Hey, Won-ah,” Hyunwoo calls, somewhat reluctant, “if you’re not okay with having to do anything with me—”

“No,” Hyungwon croaks out, hugging Hyunwoo back. “At least... can we still be best friends?”

“Yeah. Sure, Hyungwon-ah.”

But Hyunwoo doesn’t sound so sure, his voice clearly hesitant and calculating. Hyungwon can’t help but let his mind wander, his heart pounding loudly in his chest. Isn’t it a normal reaction after what Hyungwon did to Hyunwoo? Is it wrong to expect Hyunwoo suddenly, magically warms up to him?

Nevertheless, Hyungwon doesn’t mention it, doesn’t want to think about it, and keeps burying his face on Hyunwoo’s chest, tucking his feelings closely. It’s been such a long day, and Hyungwon hopes whatever thought he currently has is just his own imagination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this takes such a very long time, but I hope y'all can enjoy this update!! 🥺💞✨
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, I'll see you in the next chapter and let's keep loving Showhyung as always! (♡´艸`) 🐻🐢💘


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this will finally come to an end... and I hope I do this story justice, and that you all can enjoy it! ^3^

Hyunwoo is about to ask Hyungwon to sleep in Hajoon’s room, for the sake of the younger’s comfort. After all, it only makes sense. Why would Hyungwon want to spend more time with Hyunwoo in the same room, anyway?

But, Hyungwon insists to spend the night with him. And if there’s anything more surprising than what has happened so far, Hyungwon’s sudden request is on the top of the list.

Not that Hyunwoo minds, though.

“Hyung, is it okay for me to sleep in your room?” Hyungwon asks, out of the blue, most likely saying it out of impulsiveness too. When it dawns on him what he just suggested, his eyes widen before avoiding Hyunwoo’s questioning look. His cheeks turn beet red, and he honestly looks cute, though Hyunwoo decides to keep it to himself. 

“You... you were having a nightmare before, so I thought I could accompany you, in case something happened.”

Ah, yeah, his previous dream he has completely forgotten, which caused Hyungwon to look at him with wounded expression.

“Sure, um, I think it would be nice,” Hyunwoo replies, leading them to his bedroom, then letting Hyungwon go inside first. As he closes the door, Hyunwoo inhales slowly to calm his brain. Sometimes the running thoughts inside him can be a bit too much to handle.

Hyunwoo takes a deep breath again, unsure of what to say, what to do after this, or for the following days awaiting. His mind’s jumbled, busy contemplating about what Hyungwon really wants after their mutual apologies.

Well, Hyunwoo still feels guilty, anyway. The day Hyungwon didn’t come back to his dorm, leaving him waiting for the whole thirty minutes, only to find the dorm staff appeared at his door later, Hyunwoo realized how messed up he was. Or still is.

He has hurt Hyungwon, his best friend... the guy who he never talked to for three years after his announcement of finding a soulmate.

“Hyung? Aren’t you going to sleep?” Hyungwon sounds worried, breaking Hyunwoo’s distracted mind altogether. “If you’re uncomfortable with my presence, you can tell me, and I can use the other room—”

Hyunwoo shakes his head and smiles, his expression tired. He doesn’t say anything when he approaches his bed, choosing the side near the wall. All those time with Hyungwon still staring at him, his face conflicted.

They stay in silence for a little longer, Hyunwoo facing the walls, Hyungwon seemingly right on his back, his warm breath on Hyunwoo’s nape. This would be natural and normal if they were still in high school, but Hyunwoo is lying if he says his body is not flushed from the close proximity Hyungwon has offered.

“Hyungwon,” he mumbles, eventually, testing without really checking if the younger guy has gone asleep. There’s no response at first, but then Hyungwon tucks at Hyunwoo’s shirt, his deep hum the only voice coming out from his mouth.

“Did I... did I say something wrong?” Hyunwoo asks, his tone wavers. “You know, previously, when you found me asleep?”

Another moment of silence looms over them, and Hyunwoo starts doubting himself, wondering if he should just be quiet and keep his curiosity to himself. He might really say something that’s been bothering Hyungwon, which he doesn’t want to address nor discuss so openly, not after they have expressed their apologies. If Hyunwoo’s stupid question has somehow ruined their very short peace...

His thoughts are interrupted just as Hyungwon snakes his arm around Hyunwoo’s waist. His breathing hitched in an instant, and he hopes Hyungwon wouldn’t notice it. He hasn’t got the chance to process everything when Hyungwon finally speaks.

“Can I be really honest with you?”

Hyunwoo nods, anticipating.

“You mentioned my name. In your dream,” Hyungwon explains, closing their distance as he rests his forehead on Hyunwoo’s shoulder. “You might not remember what that dream was about, but somewhere in your unconscious mind, you...” He sucks in a shaky breath, exhaling and inhaling slowly for a few more times before he continues, “You sound vulnerable, but you didn’t hesitate to look for me.”

Hyungwon practically hugs Hyunwoo now, his grip tightens as if he was afraid Hyunwoo would leave him again.

Hyunwoo bites his lips, hating every single molecule on himself for making Hyungwon doubt him, especially since that possibility—of Hyunwoo abandoning him for the second time, that their friendship might not work out at all—haunts him for who knows how long.

Reluctantly, Hyunwoo places his hand on top of Hyungwon’s arm, stroking the soft skin in a hope to reassure him. “Hyungwon-ah...”

“You’re important to me, hyung. You can count on me, and trust me.”

Hyunwoo can sense the desperation in Hyungwon’s voice, and he feels a pang of guilt in his chest. He shouldn’t feel like that, he doesn’t even deserve the way Hyunwoo has mistreated him in the past.

“I won’t let you down, hyung,” Hyungwon says again, more firmly this time. And Hyunwoo can’t help but feel relieved. “I promise.”

* * *

Hyungwon’s thought keeps swirling as he packs his belongings with Minhyuk’s help because today, he officially moves in at Hyunwoo’s dorm. With Hoseok and Minhyuk’s instruction, he has filled the paper needed to move this afternoon. And honestly, Hyungwon can’t forget the look on Hyunwoo’s face when he heard the announcement right after his class ended.

It was pure bliss, a glint of hope in his eyes. Hyungwon didn’t know what to respond and he thinks he did grimace in front of Hyunwoo, which the older might take as if he’s forced into doing this or something.

He isn’t, obviously.

Hyungwon feels a nudge on his side and Minhyuk looks at him with an amused face before he turns serious.

“Won-ah, you have to let go.”

“Of what?”

“Your worries,” Minhyuk laments, stacking up the last book in the cardboard boxes and wrapping them with tapes. Quite surprisingly, he’s done that at such a quick pace. Hyungwon is impressed. “Your tattoo,” Minhyuk jabs at Hyungwon’s wrist playfully, “it means nothing.”

“Easy for you to say,” Hyungwon scowls, his lips pouting as he settles his backpack on his shoulder. “You’ve always known who you love since you set foot on this campus.”

“How dare you. It was not that easy at all.” Now Minhyuk pouts too. “Kiki and I have been dreading for long, you know. Whenever our tattoos glowed at the same time, we thought our soulmates were around. And then our bond would break too soon before we even realize it or something.”

Minhyuk bites his lip, staring at his own tattoo that has different shape and color with Kihyun’s, yet their relationship works out just fine so far. That’s why he said earlier that Hyungwon’s tattoo meant nothing. Because if he and Kihyun can manage to be together for so long, then so can Hyungwon and Hyunwoo!

Hyungwon tilts his head, narrowing his eyes before challenging, “But?”

“But it all just means we’re so in love with each other,” Minhyuk chirps cheerfully, making Hyungwon groan because of course that’s how Minhyuk sees this whole issue.

“You think Hyunwoo hyung would just buy it if I said I love him?”

“You haven’t tried.” Minhyuk shrugs. “Just tell him.”

Hyungwon is about to snap, but he holds back as his shoulders slump. “I can’t, Min. He... he’ll just think I only take a pity on him. Or worse, he’ll believe I’m taking advantage of this situation just to get on his pants.”

Minhyuk’s eyes widen and a sly grin spreads across his face at that last remark, making Hyungwon regret saying any of that. “You _do_ want him, so bad,” Minhyuk says, nudging at his wrist. “Your tattoo keeps glowing red.”

Hyungwon quickly looks at his wristband, and even behind the thick dark fabric, the tattoo’s color glows even stronger. Making the material looks transparent. “I’m so gonna die.”

“You’re gonna be okay.” Minhyuk pats his shoulder sympathetically. “And we’ll all be here to help you both—well, mostly help Hyunwoo, I think. Because honestly, do you think you deserve help? You’re not even—aww! Okay, okay, it’s just a joke, Wonnie!” Minhyuk stops blabbering as Hyungwon smacks his arms. He rubs the place where the younger’s hand was at, and continues, “Stop being so sensitive.”

“Well, for one, it wasn’t a joke because I’m not laughing with you.” Hyungwon huffs. “And you better not say anything in front of Hyunwoo hyung or else—” Hyungwon just glares menacingly while sending two fingers gesture from his eyes to Minhyuk’s, only to get a brief shrug from him as Minhyuk strolls out of their dorm with his hands wrapped around the cardbox.

* * *

Moving in with Hyunwoo turns out to be a challenge Hyungwon never thought he could win. Not that Hyunwoo is a kind of prize to win over, but dang it, their conversations are so stilted and they only speak when it’s only considered necessary.

It’s just even harder every time Hyungwon accidentally catches Hyunwoo go out from the bathroom only with a towel—his tanned, bare chest in clear display. His cheeks turn beet red before he could muster anything, and Hyunwoo just chuckles at the sight. He seriously has no idea if Hyunwoo did that on purpose, or Hyungwon just keeps deluding himself into thinking that Hyunwoo _intends_ to charm him.

Either way, his heart health is at risk.

The glow from his tattoo doesn’t help either. Hyungwon has to disagree with Minhyuk—it doesn’t merely show his love for Hyunwoo because his feeling is always there, all these years. Just being hidden pathetically without the person—the subject of his love—noticing.

The tattoo glows because he’s _excited_ to see Hyunwoo. His heartbeat thundering _way_ faster than he can ever take. His throat is suddenly dry and his skin tingles. And probably, this whole stupid soulmate thing is only meant to measure how _horny_ someone is for the other.

Which makes so much sense.

Hyungwon doesn’t discard the idea of true love, obviously. Sometimes lust and love can overlap with each other. But he’s seen proofs of it. His parents are genuinely in love with each other, and to him, being together as “soulmate” with Hyunwoo is possible—however both of them would define it later. It’s a good sign, at least, that what he has for Hyunwoo is not just a brief desire to be with him, but also includes a long-term commitment.

The only problem is, Hyunwoo’s tattoo hasn’t gone back to normal. It’s still as black as ever, the flower withers, bending in an ugly way. All the leaves are gone. It looks... exasperated.

Hyungwon’s afraid he would be considered an intrusive bastard if he keeps asking questions in such a wrong time and place, as if Hyunwoo would gladly answer him despite their current closeness right now.

They’re pretend boyfriends in front of everyone, originally meant to shoo Hajoon away. But behind the closed door, it’s just the same as before. And Hyungwon feels their distance has grown a little bit further. They have breakfast and dinner together, sometimes they come home at the same time. Their weekends spent watching their favorite dramas together, and then after that, they’ll go back to their respective room. All those apologies from before, and the illusion of Hyunwoo opening up to Hyungwon, perished in the blink of an eye like an enchanted mist.

So, asking Hyunwoo about the tattoo stuff might trigger something the older doesn’t want to deal with. And Hyungwon doesn’t want that.

He’s deep into thinking when Hyunwoo, sitting beside him in the corner of the library, suddenly asks, “Are you okay?”

It comes out as a whisper, so much worry in his tone—or probably this is how Hyunwoo always asks questions to other people. Yet, once again, Hyungwon can feel the blush creeps up his face. His breath comes out short when his heart pounds faster. _This really can’t be good._

“I’m okay,” Hyungwon answers, a bit reluctant.

“You look tired.” Hyunwoo doesn’t seem to want to let this go.

“I’m just sleepy, but don’t worry. I only need to write some paragraphs more before this essay is finished.” Hyungwon keeps his calm but he can’t deny the fact that they’re in public now, even when there are only a few people on distant tables across them. “Maybe we can continue talking later,” he says again, his voice a bit harsh. He senses the older’s gaze at him, perplexed and hurt as if Hyungwon just offended him. His own tattoo now glows much redder than before, and Hyungwon secretly tucks his sleeve so that no one would look at it or even notice it.

Normally, a glowing tattoo means he has found his _destined_ soulmate, just beyond his reach, and both of them know that well. However, Hyungwon genuinely refuses the idea of hoping for it too much. His tattoo has never been normal, and it could practically mean anything—like unrequited feeling, maybe.

And Minhyuk might be right. His glowing tattoo might not necessarily equate Hyunwoo being his soulmate.

“My tattoo... everyone will see,” Hyungwon adds, more like a faint whisper now.

“Ah.” Hyunwoo seems to understand, and he nods in agreement.

Hyungwon peeks a glance to make sure that Hyunwoo is fine, but he can’t be sure of it. They go back typing in front of their laptops, eyes reading the books for several seconds to cite something, and Minhyuk’s suggestion to just confess his feelings begins to swirl in his mind, each second becomes more demanding than before.

* * *

Hyungwon storms out of his practice room once he reads Hoseok’s message, ignoring Siyeon’s frustrated yelling and receiving people’s confused glare along the corridor. He ignores them all. There’s only one thing he focuses on and his brain is too occupied to think of other people’s reactions. His phone has been ringing loudly that Siyeon grew annoyed and asked Hyungwon to pick it up, but clearly this impulsive response wasn’t the one she originally expected.

His mind has gone fuzzy the moment he grasped Hoseok’s short, urgent message, saying that Hajoon is here.

 _Here where?_ Hyungwon types furiously as he has been out of his campus hallway, crossing the yard to another building where Hyunwoo has his class. His steps are frantic, he nearly bumps into a group of students when he turns to go to the elevator. He apologizes briefly, a horrid look in his face making those students frown.

Hyungwon couldn’t care less, all he can think of right now is that Hyunwoo might be in danger. He might not need to be saved, but still, Hyungwon is worried sick.

Only when the elevator door slides open, and he steps inside, Hyungwon finds his hand trembling. He has no idea about Hyunwoo’s everyday schedule. He’s lucky he remembers where he is today because Hyungwon had accompanied Hyunwoo to this building after lunch and asked him what floor he’ll be attending.

Hyunwoo had said he would come watching Hyungwon’s practice, but clearly this universe is too sly to let that happen.

Hyungwon grits his teeth once the lift stops at the third floor. Right when the door slides, he rushes past the crowd near the entrance, then halts his step as he has no idea where exactly Hyunwoo’s lecture hall is. _Fucking idiot,_ he curses, looking around for a few seconds before deciding to go to his right.

He glances around nervously, most of the doors are closed so he couldn’t peek inside and it frustrates him even more. Hyungwon eventually fishes his phone out, still not receiving any reply from Hoseok. He was about to send another message when the door nearby clicks open and a swarm of students bursting out of the room.

Hyungwon steps aside to give way and waits impatiently. His eyes search for a particular tall guy who’s supposed to be easy to notice. He’s about to give up and decides it’s not Hyunwoo’s class, when his peripheral vision catches Hyunwoo at the back of the group. His eyes perk up, his body instinctively goes after him. 

Only then he realizes that someone has been following Hyunwoo, going in the opposite direction. Hyungwon’s heart boils at the sight of Hajoon grabbing Hyunwoo’s wrist tightly. And his hyung—okay, not necessarily his hyung _yet_ , at least—clearly looks uncomfortable.

“Hyung—” Hyungwon is about to interrupt when Hajoon’s voice echoes in the hallway, not too loud but clear enough for Hyungwon to hear.

“C’mon, Hyunwoo, show me your tattoo. It did glow when I approached you in class, right?”

Hyunwoo visibly gulps, pulling his hand away and stepping back from the other guy. Hyungwon grits his teeth then strolls faster, shielding himself in front of the older.

“He doesn’t owe you any explanation.” Hyungwon hisses, narrowing his eyes as menacingly as possible at Hajoon.

“Why?” Hajoon scoffs. The way he measures Hyungwon up and down with his eyes, then looking at Hyunwoo as if Hyungwon wasn’t the best for him, is enough to make Hyungwon want to strangle him. “Are you that afraid to show the truth, since this is all just an act?”

“This isn’t an act, you dimwit—”

Hyunwoo holds Hyungwon’s hand to cut his words, gripping it tightly. He stares at Hyungwon as if to say he’s alright, then turns his gaze to Hajoon. “My life is no longer your business, Hajoon-ssi. And if you still bother me, I won’t hesitate to report you again so they’ll get you more suspension.”

Hyunwoo’s words are calm but also filled with harshness. Wherever that strength came from, Hyungwon is proud of him for standing up toward Hajoon.

Hyungwon expects they’re already done when Hyunwoo speaks again.

“Oh, and that tattoo? It only glows for Hyungwon now.” His smile seems genuine when he says that, and Hyungwon sucks in a breath, his heart hammering in his ribcage. “Hyungwon and I are meant for each other, Hajoon-ssi. There has been no place for you since the beginning.” He turns to Hyungwon, then leads him away from the other guy. His palm sweaty in Hyungwon’s grasp, and Hyungwon shifts a little closer to show his support.

Hyungwon has no idea what exactly just happened. His mind swirls with thoughts and hopeless fantasies, and he knows he can’t stop it. At least for a while.

Being a fake boyfriend is already an impossible blessing in itself, but this? This is literally on a whole other level. Hyunwoo literally said he _loved_ Hyungwon—either in past or present tense, it wouldn’t matter now. And that there might be a future for both of them, and Hyungwon is currently hyper excited.

Although, a creeping guilt and shame now wash over him. What if he was too carried away? What if Hyunwoo only meant that as a friend? And even Hyungwon knows he shouldn’t, he can’t help but worry that Hyunwoo did that only to have Hyungwon as his temporary walking support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for sticking around!! I just wanna say I'm not abandoning this fic—I actually have written the final scene but the middle part is always the hardest for me lmaoo. (llФｗФ｀)
> 
> I hope we can still meet each other until the end! >3<
> 
> Until then, let's keep loving Showhyung! (๑•́ ₃ •̀๑) 🐻🐢💘💘💘


	6. Chapter 6

Once they get to the dorm, Hyungwon locks the door behind him. His breath ragged, his cheeks flush. He still can’t quite grasp what just happened. Then, before he knows it, his arms wrap around Hyunwoo’s back. He hugs Hyunwoo, buries his face on the older’s shoulders, practically hiding his face and the confusion sinking deep in his veins.

Hyunwoo just freezes. Hyungwon wonders if he has crossed Hyunwoo’s boundaries, but if he does, Hyunwoo doesn’t pull him off. Hyungwon can even feel Hyunwoo’s arm, although reluctant, patting his head.

It comes off slowly. Gently. The warmth of Hyunwoo’s body seeping in. And the more Hyunwoo pats him, the more it feels as if he tries to calm the unnatural rhythm of Hyungwon’s breath.

“Hyungwon...” Hyunwoo slowly caresses Hyungwon’s hand, only to have the younger guy gripping his shirt even more.

“Just... let me,” Hyungwon gulps, bites his lips, unsure of what to say, “let me stay like this for a bit.” He inhales sharply, hiding how his voice trembles, how his own heart is torn apart. Hyungwon doesn’t want to pressure Hyunwoo to say anything. If Hyunwoo decides to stay quiet, then it’s his right. He’s free to do so, they’re just pretend boyfriends after all.

Though, Hyungwon has to admit he’s deadly curious about the older’s tattoo. Would there be a chance for them? An _actual_ chance, concerning all possibilities related with destiny and a fated partner? 

Hyungwon knows it might be impossible to cling his hope to fate. His tattoo is temporary—and always meant to be.

More importantly, is it okay to just say how he feels to Hyunwoo now? The older might not feel good yet about starting a new relationship. Their friendship barely even had any progress, and Hyungwon is not even sure if he could keep up with this fake dating thing...

“Are you hungry? I’ll make you dinner,” Hyunwoo says again, this time his hand grips gently on Hyungwon’s palm.

A strange jolt coursing through his body as a sense of electricity runs in Hyungwon’s skin. His cheeks heat up as a result, and he nods. Slowly, he disentangles himself from Hyunwoo then replies, his head still facing the floor, “I’ll clean myself first.”

“Okay.”

Hyungwon immediately walks over Hyunwoo towards the bathroom. He can’t stop thinking of how calm Hyunwoo sounds. And it makes him wonder what might lie under Hyunwoo’s composed tone, considering his answer is pretty short. Well, not that Hyunwoo has anything more to say, anyway.

Besides, they are supposed to be in his band practice now, pretending everything’s alright because it _was_ alright. It is. It has always been.

Everything is just suddenly ruined because Hajoon has messed up with their well-fucking-planned evening!

Hyungwon takes another deep breath for the zillionth time that day as he peels his clothes off, switching the hot shower on. Suddenly he’s anxious again about the whole situation between Hyunwoo and him. He wants to talk, he desperately needs to. Yet his mind keeps reminding him to keep his curiosity at bay unless he wants to scare the older off. Which would be the last thing Hyungwon wants to happen.

* * *

They spend the next few days learning each other’s schedules. Hyungwon’s grateful that Hyunwoo is the one who suggested it first, because honestly he’s afraid that whatever he did would come off as oppressive. Hyungwon has decided that Hyunwoo’s comfort is his priority. And he’s kinda relieved to know where to search for Hyunwoo in case something happened.

“Hyungwon-ah,” Hyunwoo calls that morning, right before they part ways.

Hyungwon turns his head, his huge eyes spark under the sunlight. 

“Are you free this weekend?”

It’s a simple question, said in the most composed— _and_ casual—way. Yet Hyungwon feels his cheeks warm, wondering what the question might entail. What it _eventually_ entails. It’s been days since both of them were dodging the initial issue about Hajoon, treating it as something worn-out and unspeakable.

And now out of the blue, Hyunwoo is asking him if he’s free. As if nothing had happened. As if they’re gonna date. Like, _date_ date. It’s even more surreal than whatever Hyungwon has thought of what could happen once they really interact.

Outside of their schedule learning, obviously.

“Uh, yeah?” Hyungwon stutters, then curses internally for hesitating. Clearly he can’t trust himself to function. His brain is too hyper wired. He might have interpreted things too far. 

For a moment, Hyunwoo only smiles. Hyungwon’s heart is clenched at that, seeing Hyunwoo’s usual tense-muscle now relax, causing his own breathing to come out slowly.

“What? Do you wanna take me somewhere?” Hyungwon asks before Hyunwoo could say anything, his lips itch not to. He quirks an eyebrow as Hyunwoo’s smile widens, his head shakes before eventually nods. “I’m confused now.” Hyungwon bumps a light fist on the older’s arms. “Am I getting too hyped for nothing?”

“No,” Hyunwoo answers. “There’s this place I wanna show you. I guess we’re gonna stay over for the whole weekend? If that’s okay...”

“Hyung, of course it is. I’ll make sure to clear my schedule.” Hyungwon hugs Hyunwoo goodbye before heading to his building. He can’t stop smiling all the way there, his mind too preoccupied with how he will spend more quality time with Hyunwoo.

* * *

Hyungwon goes through the rest of his days by looking forward to Friday. He goes to classes like usual, finishing his task as best as he can even when it’s still due for next week. His band practice has gotten a lot better too. Siyeon congratulates him for concentrating and doing so well, while Jooheon compliments him on his improvement.

In short, his days are glorious, sunny, filled with flying unicorns and rainbows and candy.

Until Friday actually comes.

Hyungwon chews his lips as he stares blankly outside of the window. The rain patters lightly, but it hasn’t stopped pouring since morning. He’s supposed to take the subway train with Hyunwoo now, going to the beach and staying over at some cottage nearby. It would’ve been a perfect trip to spend the weekend. Yet the universe apparently hates him!

It’s common to have rain in spring, yet throughout this second semester Hyungwon only experienced rain in certain, unimportant occasions. Now he hates the rain already, _just_ because it so happens to occur on his special supposed-to-be date.

Well, Hyunwoo might not consider this as a date, so it’s not like they’ve got anything to lose. However, going to the beach on the weekend and planning to stay over with a person who has your matching tattoo... what else could this possibly be?

Hyungwon has been dreading the day Hyunwoo would come clean with him, confessing their true love, what with their glaringly identical (sort of) soulmate tattoos, planning their future together, yada yada yada. He was so ready to go all out too, showering Hyunwoo with his undying loyalty. He has secretly practiced his words with Minhyuk, rehearsing the words over and over again so that he wouldn’t stutter. He would surely woo Hyunwoo and sweep him off the floor. So _why_ the fucking rain?

“Hyungwon, your hot chocolate is ready,” Hyunwoo calls from behind him, tapping his shoulder gently. When Hyungwon turns his back, the older flashes a smile that is reassuring, one Hyungwon would normally savor but certainly not on this particular day.

Still, Hyungwon averts his gaze to Hyunwoo’s hand holding the cup. He takes it slowly while muttering a weak “thanks” before looking out at the cloudy sky again. “I wish I was out there.” He sighs, defeated.

“I know. You’ve been so hell bent on our plan,” Hyunwoo says, then taking a seat on the couch. He stares at Hyungwon with such gentle care. When their eyes finally meet, Hyungwon can’t quite grasp what it means. Does Hyunwoo care for him, the way a best friend would? Or is there any other meaning behind it?

Hyungwon doesn’t know anymore. He grows tired of second guessing everything, even when he knows it’s not Hyunwoo’s fault. He has this crippling anxiety that things might not work out between them...

“Hey, what are you thinking?” Hyunwoo asks, interrupting the younger’s wandering mind.

Hyungwon jolts before avoiding his gaze. “Nothing,” he mutters, which results in another type of Hyunwoo’s stare—dejected, unreadable. Well, Hyungwon _should_ be the one to ask that question. What is Hyunwoo thinking of them? Why is he so cryptic? Is he okay after his last encounter with Hajoon? What would he like Hyungwon to do? Is it really that hard to trust him?

“Hyungwon-ah, may I have a second?” Hyunwoo asks again, then gesturing to the other to take a seat beside him.

Hyungwon gulps, but then nods, letting himself plop down in the warmth of either the sofa or the mere existence of Son Hyunwoo. God, he needs to stop or else Hyunwoo would think he has turned into some weird species or something.

The silence stretches for a few more seconds, before Hyunwoo speaks again, “I’ve been thinking... and I was about to tell you at the beach today. And I was dreading this too much, so I figure there wouldn’t be any right time to talk about it, so...” Hyunwoo takes a deep breath, then exhales it slowly. He holds Hyungwon’s free hand, the one that doesn’t hold the cup, then squeezes it gently.

Hyungwon wets his lips, heart pulsating a mile in a second. He’s relieved that Hyunwoo holds his right hand, his tattoo can be hidden even though it’s no longer a secret. The older has realized it fully now, how he’s head over heels for Hyunwoo. If this is the time where Hyunwoo—

“I don’t think I can continue this anymore, Won-ah.” There’s a pause after that. Hyungwon snaps his head to look at Hyunwoo, yet the older only tightens his grip. “I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally update this fic, yeeeeeet. ༼;´༎ຶ ༎ຶ༽
> 
> Seems like 1.5k words a chapter is my go-to number, though more than that is still possible. But it keeps me writing more smoothly, so let's see if I can update all my WIPs more frequently. 🙈
> 
> I hope everything makes sense [especially their relationship, since it's kinda hard to write ;w;], and I'm still rooting for this story to end well. :')
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this far! It really means a lot! >3< 💖💖💖
> 
> Until then, let's keep loving Showhyung. 😚🐻🐢💞


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